One thing that I love about watching movies is getting to ruminate on the different narratives they present. Recently I’ve been reflecting on the idea of “starting over” while watching the drama, Start-Up. In the drama, the male lead recounts the times when “the wind has become a storm,” times when his mistakes have grown to become life burdens.
When I was younger, I remember imitating the erasing of a blackboard whenever I said the wrong thing or made a mistake. It signified “starting over” for me and eased my perfectionist mind to think that things were “back to the way they were.” This made sense to me at the time, but as I grew older, I went through events that I could no longer pretend never happened. While some were easier to push aside, others remained as lingering thoughts that affected my perspectives and decisions thereafter. As a result, I tried avoiding mistakes altogether. I thought that if I didn’t make any mistakes, I wouldn’t have to erase anything.
The truth is, you and I are fallen humans and therefore, are bound to make mistakes. Maybe we couldn’t control the turn of events, we didn’t know any better, or we knew the right choice but still made the wrong one due to a lack of courage or added pressure. We cannot retrace our steps to the past and change what was lived, unfortunately. Knowing this made it all the more difficult when I watched the male lead in the drama grieve for what he lost. I almost felt like he was expressing the inner turmoil that I wish I could put into words at times. The grievance to change the past can be a burden to carry. Nonetheless, he was willing to “start over” and pursue what he wanted afterwards. He didn’t settle for complacency but for a second chance. It was inspiring to watch him work to create a different ending.
“Starting over” or resetting can take many forms: it can be taking on a new mindset, pursuing the same goal but with an alternative method, or rerouting and taking a new path altogether. An additional investment of time or effort may be required and so it can feel like a waste of time, but I want to learn to trust God with my “start-overs,” to acknowledge that He never wastes anything. I am learning to perceive destruction as sometimes necessary for the successful rebuilding of something else to occur and that even if so, I can still be within His plan.
This is a reminder for both you and I: It’s okay to grieve and wrestle with our past, but we must learn to eventually reconcile with it and with ourselves. Each day is a new chance at life. We can choose to either keep circling in our regrets or to pick ourselves back up and move forward. The present is worth living for, and there is still a chance to change the ending or if not, create a new one. An alternate path may end up being something we never knew we needed, or it could be a different kind of beautiful, right?